Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Facebook, an emotional roller coaster

I finally did it, I joined Facebook. I didn't want to at first, kind of like blogging, but I am glad I did. When I first signed on I saw so many faces faces, faces of people I went to high school with. This was very emotional for me. I had a rough time during the last 2yrs of high school (long story-maybe another post-someday) Seeing these faces brought back so many memories, some good and some bad. I even felt alienated like high school could sometimes do to you. Once I began chatting with friends who meant something to me it was nice to reconnect. But on other days seeing pics from high school I would be thrown back into those feelings. My bad times in high school began after a breakup with my first love (I know, I know so typical) but knowing what I know now I SOOOO needed therapy then. But I didn't get therapy. I ended up in a doing things I'm not so proud of, some things that are so un-me. I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if I didn't take that road. I am glad I ended up here with Jim and Emily. But I could've done so much more, been so much more. I loved high school (minus the crazy times) I guess sometimes when I think of hs I don't think of those times when I was not there...Just the times I enjoyed. But those bad times happened and maybe fb is throwing them in my face. Looking at pics friends have posted I realized that high school went on without me those last 2 yrs. So to me I have all these memories of high school and my friends. But to them I was there for only part of the fun. (I know I am being vague=but seriously that post would bring on many tears) I am jealous and I am sad. Seeing pictures of that certain ex boyfriend with his girlfriend. The gf he had cheated on me with and went out with for most of hs after me. The gf who was one of my childhood best friends. They ended up being captain of the football team and captain of the cheerleaders UGH Stab!!! Why does this picture from 18yrs ago still make me wanna hurl.

Know any good therapists?

I apologize for the run on sentences and bad grammar, I just needed to vent and didn't want to re-read it. Sorry!!


Keri said...

That post makes me wonder why we weren't better friends in HS... we went through so many of the same feelings.
That is the reason i have refused to go on Facebook.
I'm scared of the high school outcast feelings it will bring up. The not fitting in. The teen angst.
I'm not sure i want people to know where and who i am now.
I too am so happy to have M and my kidlets and to be where i am... but want to keep the soft secure blanket of secrecy around me and my little family. I have way too many 'wild' memories that need to stay just that... memories.

don't beat yourself up with the past... let it lie and enjoy the woman and mom you've become. We all have changed.

Amanda said...

It does you the world of good just getting things off your chest ~ i wouldn't go back to high school if you paid me! It wasn't a fun time for me either.
I love your new look.
Amanda x

Julie said...

Keri-I bet if we were in classes together we would have been. But also we don't always end up with the right friends in high school. We can make up for it now.

Amanda- isn't crazy. Such an hormonal crazy time.

Flea said...

Therapy does a world of good. I still have regrets from 20 years ago. Time to look up old friends on Facebook ... *sigh*

TL said...

So sorry, it stinks when those kind of emotions come flooding back unwanted and you aren't sure what to do with them.

April said...

I did not have a great experience in hs. So seeing a lot of those faces DOES bring up bad memories for me. And the crazy part is? The people I really don't care about? When they friend-requested my BF and not me (and she wasn't really friends with them either in hs) my feelings were hurt ALL over again. It is ridiculous! So in that respect, facebook annoys the crap outta me. I try to stay away from chatting with anyone who I WOULDN'T have chatted with back then.

Tabitha said...

I used to be on facebook but I cancelled it, I just couldn't be bothered with it all (things like you mentioned in your post!!).
I love your new layout ~ it looks great.
Take care ~ Love and hugs Tabitha XX

~**Dawn**~ said...

I read so many posts like this and it makes me wonder if the vast majority of us went through high school harboring these same insecurities & feelings of inferiority. We spend high school thinking we're all alone, the whole time we're all isolated in our own little worlds, all thinking the same things. We just handled it differently: some of us withdrew & were quiet, others faked it with the best of the Oscar-winners, and the rest were just mean. I guess it's all part of growing up...but even then, the past can occasionally come back to haunt us.