Diet Smiet....

Another Monday, another day of TRYING to lose weight. With my PCOS it's so hard to lose weight. I struggle just to not gain weight. After high school I started to put some weight on, but nothing crazy. When I felt like I was uncomfortable, I would just 'eat less'- I never really dieted or thought about dieting. When I was 26 I met the man of my dreams and even though I was about 35lbs heavier and 2sizes bigger than HS- I was happy & totally comfortable with who I was. Over the next 2-3yrs it seemed like every time I stepped on the scale I was 5lbs heavier. No matter what I did, I just was gaining, and quickly. About 6mos before I got married I found out I had PCOS. When I was planning my wedding (50lbs heavier than when I met hubby) I felt ucky and uncomfortable and was beginning to hate buying clothes. 2yrs later I FINALLY became pregnant (another 30lbs heavier). I actually did very well with my weight when I was pregnant, because PCOS has a lot to do with hormones, for 40wks I was 'normal'. After having my daughter I lost all my 'baby weight' by wk 3....but soon after I stopped nursing, again crazy hormones, I gained all the baby weight back. Now somehow and somewhere during the past 3 1/2yrs I have gained approx. 40lbs!!!! It seems like for the past 1 1/2yrs I have been struggling to maintain this CRAZY WEIGHT!!!! and thru that time I have maintained and not gained anymore- That to me is an accomplishment. I don't want to stay where I am. But of course for a MILLION & ONE reasons I want to lose weight. If I could lose 30lbs I would like to start ttc and then if I can lose 40lbs I will be at the same weight as my first OBGYN appt. So from there I would obviously try to continue losing...... If I were lucky to have another baby- I would do so many things different after their birth. When we are in the 'country' I will have more options for exercise and outdoorsy kinds of things. Living in the 'city' I feel like I am sometimes stuck inside. (WHOA-am I babbling or what??) So I am counting my WW pts today, with what little food is in the house-so far so good.......I NEED to do this!!!!!!!!

It may be TMI-you've been warned

So I have been considering posting this for the past two days. I wasn't sure how people would react to the *TMI*....Well I am too excited and amazed that I must post/vent. I have PCOS, I think I may have mentioned in a previous post. Basically I have a bunch of hormonal issues, a few being : hair loss (which is depressing me more and more- I used to have great hair), acne (not so much an issue, not like when I was younger- I would trade the clear face for a head full of hair anyday), I don't ovulate on my own (used fertility to have my Emmy) and then I have CRAZY abnormal periods (had them 2-4 times a yr until I was about 21- then they disappeared for good). I had my first very- own (no medical intervention) period in 10yrs the month I got pregnant with Emily and then about a 1yr & 2mos after I had Emily, I had a period. I was so surprised, I remember when learning about breastfeeding they said you can go a yr without a period, but I didn't listen because I thought that didn't apply to me. So after that first surprising period, I had a few more that year. Ever since then I have had one here and there. But this is the crazy part, I had one last month and again this month. Two in a row,that just doesn't happen to me. Why is this exciting or why am I happy about this? Well to me this means I may be ovulating on my own. I want another baby or at least I wanna try for another. I need to lose about 30-40lbs first (weight gain another fun side effect of PCOS insulin is my enemy) . Part of me feels like I wasted a month, a month I may have become pregnant on my own- but the other part of me is like I could have become pregnant last month-wooo hooo!!! I need to get my buns in gear and strictly adhere to my WW pts so I can lose the lbs. I also need to start charting my temperatures so I can see if anything is happening. They say that women with PCOS sometimes find getting pregnant the second time around is easier, I hope this applies to me. We can't afford the meds I used to have Emmy and once we are in the 'country' my RE will be far away. I know I am just babbling away here, but I am soooooo excited!!!!!!!!

Wish me baby luck!!